Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Missing You

Today is 11 years since you went home to be with Jesus.

I miss you, Dad.

I took some time to think about you and all the good gifts you gave...
I wish you were still here,
I wish you could see K and E.
You would be so proud of the young woman she has grown into,
I know you were sceptical about me marrying a Californian,
But you'd love how he leads our family.
I can't help but know even with my age I would still be your little girl.
I don't know if you can see from up there what goes on down here.
You would be so proud of Momma,
She is still her sweet, bigger than life self.
She always "cracked you UP."
We enjoyed watching you laugh at her antics.
I remember you dancing with her in the living room.
We were mezmorised by it.
Even admid tumult you found eachother and stuck together,
You and she had a life long love affair, of that all of us were sure.
I carried that gift with me, both Sissy and I have.
Thank you.
You always called me by my full name when I was in trouble or if I really needed to hear the guidance.
I can still hear your voice in my ear,
"You know, P...J... if a man were wise..."
All your best advise you paired with ice cream. It made the prickles of hard ideas go down easier.
I remember you and Momma praying over me at night that God would heal my CP.
I remember you doing my foot exercises while Momma made dinner after you'd been on the road all week.
I remember you loved to jazz out to the Doobie Brothers going down the road.
I remembered that very little phased you.
You were never shocked at my shock value attempts and even when us kids messed up royal you always let us know that it wasn't the end of the world, repentence and better choices would get us where we needed to go.
I remember when I had surgery and Momma, P. and I had taken the car that you hitchhiked all the way to Salt Lake to see me when you had finished your work.
I remembered opening my eyes thinking I was imagining you.
I remember Sunday morning you hurrying us to the car, a crew of 7 doesn't move easily.
I remember when I was a teenager and slow as molasses you throwing my make-up and the clothes in the car and saying, "Get in" - I got in- thank you.
I remember being 11 and getting to spend the weekend with you all by myself.
We rode your motorcycle and went to dinner at the country club where you and Momma would go to your business parties. I was wearing a flowered dress with a scarf. I felt so grown and special. We stopped short of ordering the lobster, you knowing that the others kids would never stand for that.
I remember have my first wreck, I had ran across town to the only McD's to get us ice cream. The ice cream fell when I braked too hard. I hit a car and a trailer, I was minutes from our house, the people were yelling, and I ran to get you. After you had everything settled. You said, "Let's go get that ice cream", after we had our ice cream and a talk. You insisted among my frightened protests that I get back in the driver's seat.
I remember walking down the aisle, and just as we started, you said, "You know, P...J.. you don't have to do this if you don't want to." I asked the other girls, I guess you said this to all of us. It must have been hard to give us away.
Sunday after church we always watched the Broncos, I know about football, and I love it. It always reminds me of you. I couldn't watch the superbowl for 4 years after you were gone. It made me cry. No worries - I'm back in the saddle.
I love fishing, and driving fast, and jazzy music and I love my husband more and more as the years roll by.
I know that even when I mess up really big, I can turn around and Jesus is always there.
You weren't perfect, but you were real, and really cool too.
Thank you, Daddy.


Becky said...

Praying for you today..May His Fatherly love be a balm to your soul.

EJN said...

Thank you Becky, that means a lot. What a sweet gift to have a praying friend I have never met. Jo

WordGirl said...

I must admit this post is a bit hard for me to read. I don't have fond memories of my father (who is still living) and I'm uncertain whether time enough remains for that to change. Thank you for sharing your sweet memories.