If I trust God as if He is Santa Clause I am settling for fool's gold. Who wants a once a year present giver as a Father? God's fatherhood gives me what I need, when I need it. He is ever present. He disciples, He makes me wait. He is not being cruel but teaching me to trust. Acting like a spoiled child begging for His hand to bless me comes naturally. Focusing on relationship, waiting to see His face, wanting to know His love and being able to more fully trust him, makes me a little apprehensive yet it also rings hopeful.
I can be skiddish about discipline, I mostly expect it to be harsh or inconsistent. I've struggled as a parent with inconsistency and harshness. What we think comes out in our actions. It is a lesson I have been trying to re-learn for much of my adult life. Success has varied, but God is faithful. And I realize the successes are due to His grace alone and mercy in my life. These graces have taken many forms: education, good friends, family, His word convicting my heart of truth and the command to walk in it.
Last week's spinning plate was a mini crisis of unaffordable and unfindable tickets, for a sizable team. Tix were just booked at $800 less per ticket than what we had agreed to last week. We, I was in a holding pattern. God was teaching me to wait, to trust, to believe that His love is good and has in mind His best, which incidently, is collaterally, my best.
Another memory stone. It is my tendency to think God will deal harshly or in anger with me. In my mind I know this is not true. However, I am evet recoverying from me centeredness. "His mercies are new every morning" "His love never fails" "He bends down Low and listens to our prayers." It just that this week - I have trusted a lot more Than usual. I haven't been as frantic, as I generally am in a bit of a crisis, and I recognize His faithfulness through and in that. It has been a sweet blessing to me to see His goodness.