This or the Other?

The War Within Already Won

Who am I? They often tell me

I stepped from my cell's confinement

calmly, cheerfully, firmly

Like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me

I used to speak to my warders

Freely and friendly and clearly,

As though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me

I bore the days of misfortune

Equally, smiling, proudly,

Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?

Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,

Struggling for breath, as though hands were

compressing my throat.

Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voice of the birds,

Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness

Tossing in expectation of great events.

Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance.

Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,

Faint and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before the others,

And before myself a contemptible, woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army,

Fleeing in disorder from a victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine,

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, Faint" - I am this this -- He alone is the other. 

Isn't it lovely that He gives us joy through the moving, even when in ourselves, we are at end of all consievable expendable energy?

For this reason I bow my kness before the Father, for whom every family on heaven and earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you the power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.

"The fullness of God" - now there's some serious expendable energy - grant your power to walk it today, Dear Lord Jesus Christ.