Prayer Answered by Crosses

I ask'd the Lord, that I might grow In faith, and love, and ev'ry grace, Might more of his salvation know, And seek more earnestly his face. 'Twas he who taught me thus to pray, And he, I trust has answer'd pray'r; But it has been in such a way, As almost drove me to despair. I hop'd that in some favour'd hour, At once he'd answer my request: And by his love's constraining pow'r, Subdue my sins, and give me rest. Instead of this. he made me feel The hidden evils of my heart; And let the angry pow'rs of hell Assault my soul in ev'ry part. Yea more, with his own hand he seem'd Intent to aggravate my woe; Cross'd all the fair designs I schem'd, Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.  Lord, why is this, I trembling cry'd, Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death? "'Tis in this way," the Lord reply'd, "I answer pray'r for grace and faith.  "These inward trials I employ, "From self and pride to set thee free; "And break thy schemes of earthly joy, "That thou mayst seek thy all in me."  -John Newton E and I went to a conference this weekend celebrating the Schaeffers. The story of their life is an amazing one, and it got me thinking how it is that God works His goodness and will into us through crosses and coming face to face with ourselves and our own fallen-ness.  We all need grace, the steps to get there are never taken without truth, truth about self, truth about God.  The "condition of man" is not what modern man thinks it is.  Man is a sinner who needs an overwhelming love.  Jesus has come to save His people from their sins.  This is not to say that He has no interest in these other things now, but we must not get matters reversed- the central thing is central.            -Francis Schaeffer No Little People I like that smack in the middle is the reference to Matthew 1:21 Call his name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sin.            My itty bittys learn this as their December verse to celebrate the Advent.  Hearing this truth from two year olds is blessedly beautiful, and their trust, joy and fervor in the telling is ever-humbling. Isn't it funny that we spend a good deal of our elder years re-learning to have trust, joy and fervor in the central thing that He is our rescuer? These inward trials I employ, ... "That thou mayst seek thy all in me"

Celebrating 20 Years...

Domestic Happiness,  thou only bliss
Of Paradise that has survived the fall!
Though few now taste thee unimpair’d and pure,
Or tasting long enjoy thee! too infirm,
Or too incautious, to preserve thy sweets
Unmix’d with drops of bitter, which neglect
Or temper sheds into thy crystal cup;
Thou art the nurse of Virtue, in thine arms
She smiles, appearing, as in truth she is,
Heaven-born, and destined to the skies again.
Thou art not known where Pleasure is adored,
That reeling goddess with the zoneless waist

And wandering eyes, still leaning on the arm

Of Novelty, her fickle, frail support;

For thou art meek and constant, hating change,
And finding in the calm of truth-tried love

Joys that her stormy raptures never yield.

Forsaking thee, what shipwreck have we made

Of honour, dignity, and fair renown!

   - Cowper, The Task, Part III The Garden

 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

                                                                         - Paul to the Galatians

It always astounds me - the reflection of marriage and the mystery of being imago Dei-

One last thought - Man, we were young, thin..and what was I thinking with that headpiece - YeeKs!. 

Eating Crow today...

Now the most godlike of all human gifts-- the singular gift separating Man from the brutes--is speech.  If he can harmonize speech he has taught his first and peculiar faculty to obey the great rhythm: "I will sing and give praise," days the Psalmist, "with the best member I have."  Thus by harmonising speech (in a fashion we will discuss by and by), he arrives at poetry.                          -Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch, Poetry

I love books, I love old books, especially. My nose wrinkles profusely at the very idea of an electronic book. To go further- I had a three hour discussion (ahem-argument) with a team mate this past summer on the particular and heinous evils of Kindle and owning one. 

Ours arrived Saturday -it's a gift to each other for our anniversary.  A pragmatic back-up to carrying around thick old books.  Free old poetry at my fingertips that I don't readily have, tempting...  Good, old commentaries that are easy to copy quotes for transferring for sermons notes...tempting.  Old thoughts, new technology, right?  A blog is like an electronic newsletter? 

I still wonder -- is the kindle the legible equivalent to street jargon?  And is this e-age eating away something that can't be replaced?  And yet, I type...

This quote stopped me, I couldn't pass it up and adding it to my clippings took my electronic journaling into a new sphere.  NOW, if I could just figure out how to transfer the information without retyping it...

One of Those days...

C and C doing bubble head - What a pair of cuties!

This has been a day, a day to remember...
We remember learning to stop and hang out on the porch
We remember you playing your flute and hearing the sounds of the hymns waif out the upper window
We remember Dutch pancakes with inlaid bacon
We remember frank discussions and honest questions
We remember when you weren't yet part of our lives and we had no idea the blessing we were missing
We remember practice for church hymns and psalms
We remember your sinister laughter and practical jokes
We remember Kel and Rhi responding to their "bigger sister" in the Lord
We remember a 100 waves at the airport continuing until we couldn't possibly see one more glimpse of you.
We remember your time with us...as a glorious gift.

We learned stopping to reflect as a family should be done everyday... for a bit of time, with a little wine.
We learned that unexpected praise makes us stop to listen to the sounds of His goodness in the midst of living.
We learned some folks eat dutch pancakes in large stacks instead of rolled - do you remember who?
We learned we really appreciate when people are forward and don't beat around the "proverbial" bush!
We learned we could love a stranger as a daughter in a very short amount of time
We learned Sunday mornings can be stressful or peaceful - it's always a matter of heart orientation
We learned E. has an able rival for ornery
We learned that advise from a "big" sister is like sugar that makes the medicine go down easily
We learned some days are best served with tears.
We learned from you ... you are precious... you are loved... and you will be missed.

Today, we sent Carin-enous off, she's back to Holland.  She is an enormous blessing, we miss her already.  A full house can seem empty with just one less... - Today, is most definately - an empty house day. 

Tools of the trade...

For Christmas, E. gave me Circulon pots and pans, unsolicited.  I have wanted a set since we were first married - they were extravagant and years ago, I teased, "Now, if I had those pans, I'd be a "real" wife".  But the Circulon mystic had long since left my radar, so when I opened them - I went - well - a little lunatic.  I was the Christmas morning three year old simultaneously shriek giggling, tearing  and jumping.   Good Times.

Later last week, as I sauteed the main ingredient for French Onion Soup I found myself glued as the speed with which the evenly glazed onions appeared in the dutch oven.  Impressive.  My pronouncement, "I LOVE these pans...this is amazing." It reminded me of a few things my dad might say about the scene, first, "You need the right tools for a job," and second, "You get what you pay for."

I'll grant these statements true, and not just because I've heard them no less than 300 times.  I started thinking about tools and paying in regards to writing.  I desire to write good poetry, but the truth is ...  I jot out a poem's rhyme and meter...and as my daughter starts to decipher and assess I see the page properly penned a bleeding red mess. In pan terms, my writing would be found in the Dollar Tree's  kitchen "a la China" aisle. I have thought, well more hoped, maybe Mr. Chesterton would deem Dollar Tree a good start... "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly" and all.

In short, I have very few tools for writing, and those I have, I don't know how to use. As for payment, my repertoire of knowledge  is more akin to a kiddie bucket than a reservoir... I get to start somewhere, and not being a prodigy of any sort, me thinks it must be in the "bad"lands.

Turn Your EYES upon JESUS

What shall I post to send the old year out and bring the new year in?

One of my quirky, little habits is to type songs out as I go through difficult times; it helps me to meditate on the truths of God and although I know this hymn is not particularly theology rich, I found myself singing it over and over again as life's challenge's barraged our home this year.  It seemed to fit perfectly with the scripture I kept coming back to... "Be still, and know that I am God." 

At the center of all things is relationship.  First, and foremost, our relationship to God.  So elementary, yet so easily forsaken during trials if emotional nonsense is allowed a footing.  I had for so many years felt emotionally unconstrained and dishoveled in the mire of life.  I find it is at that place that Satan tempts me, at the end of each trial it always comes down to this question, "Do I trust you, are you who you say you are? Can I rest in a future unknown in the arms of a God all-powerful?  What be my choice? Obedience or disobedience? Do I stand in Truth or retreat with Error filled?"

Oh soul are you weary and troubled no light in the darkness you see? There is light for a look at the Savior And life more abundant and free

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
and the things of this world will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting He passed and we follow Him, there
Over us sin no more hath dominion, for more than conquers we are.

Turn your eyes on Jesus, and Look full in his wonderful face,
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace

His Word shall not fail you he promised believe him and all will be well; then go to a world that is dying His perfect salvation to tell

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace

 For because [Jesus] has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.  Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus... And we are his house if indeed we hold fast our confidnece and our boasting in our hope.
-Hebrews 2,3

Book Favorites of 2011

A couple of weeks ago I started a post, it won't be published, it was lists of 2011- what I'd read was one of those lists- I compiled it before I checked my shelves and notes.  This list is almost identical to that brain storm.  My thought, if it stuck in my brain, I must have liked it a lot.  I was reading, "Wordsmithy", my Christmas gift from E., and Pastor Wilson had a line in there that went something like - go for tonnage, something will stick.  That made me laugh- my tonnage is down from last year, I've been a bit busy, but is considerable more than my first set of mothering years, so at least I am headed in the right direction.

1. Joseph and Judah - Dr. Warren Gage is E.'s teacher at Knox - he excavates truth in a mind twisting manner. This was a class text for E. last year, and he chose it as one of our personal studies, we are doing a study at church on it this January; it was also the Bible lesson for Summer Camp.  This book humbled me and really made me hungry to know how God and His grace and love is hidden in the stories of His Word.  I grew up in the church, I though I'd heard all the ways to look at the story of Joseph- No  I had not, not even close. 
2. He is there, and He is not Silent - Francis Schaeffer is a wonderful writer and has a life that backs up Christian community like few others.  I read several books from both Francis and Edith Schaeffer this year, this is my favorite - practically every page has something underlined and some pages are almost entirely underlined. 
3. Loving the Little Years - Lizzie Jankovic rivals and might have usurped Paul Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart which has been my go to book for years on loving little one's well.  I have a post of my favorite quotes on Loving the Little Years.  This book is amazing, Lizzie Janovic's writing style is enchanting - three things I hope will never dislodge from my brain- "Fat souls are more important than clean floors", "This is the new normal",  and "Obedience brings freedom and joy" which I have added to my obedience explanation for little ones - a talk I have quite often.
4. Through New Eyes - James Jordan's solidified and explained thoughts that I had never been able to my finger on but knew I believed.  I really enjoy his discussion on chiaisms in a few sections.  This  book is in the neighborhood of GKC's Orthodoxy. a great read- Definitely on my "Read-it again and again" list.
5. The Baptized Body - Dr. Peter Leithart discussion of children and their part in the body of Christ transformed my thinking, it deepened my resolve and humbles me as a discipler of the young ones in Him, I read this as we were preparing to baptise our grand-one, C., I am convinced that God works in little ones in a mystical, yet, concrete way that is soul changing and life bearing, a thought that I had, unfortunately, not dwelt on nearly enough.  Love this book, we read it, then I listened to it and re-read it while I listened.  This is a must read!
6. Collected Poems- Richard Wilbur/Beyond Stateliest Marble, the Passionate Femininity of Anne Bradstreet- Doug Wilson/The Tenth Muse - Anne Bradstreet - O.K. - surprise -I love poetry and can't decide my favs -book  # 10 is a practicum book on poetry.  But these books were so enjoyable - probably because I naturally connect them to family.  My K. was awarded the Anne Bradstreet character award at her school, I loved Anne Bradstreet before that, she was an amazing writer, and yet, so centered in truth, she counted her role as wife and mother, as who she was; LOVE THAT!  The Tenth Muse - was therefore a gift for K. for her B-day - our copy is a recopy of the original,  it has Anne's handwritten poetry and letters to her kiddos, how cool is that? Beyond Stateliest.. is a wonderful biography of Bradstreet... Collected Poems of Wilbur - It's always on the nightstand bookshelf and I just love his poetry - one of my favorite poems, is of course,  "The Writer".
7. The Art of Divine Contentment - Thomas Watson.  Mark Twain says a classic is something everyone wants to have read, but not to read.  This classic compels to be read.  Every time I began to read it, I felt that tingle, at the end of my nose, that reminded me tears were forth coming- and my heart was weighted with the fact that He is indeed the center of all things.
8. Bless This Food - Julia Pitkins, Karen and George Grant.  The Grants have a whole series of these life books, this one is wonderful, love the encouragements, prayers and poems. My favorite recipes are the sweet potato casserole, angel biscuits and Beef shirtsleeves (I tweaked it a little to add E.'s favs - it was a Father's day dish). It is a great little cookbook for celebrating special days throughout the year- the normal ones, and B-days and holidays that I had never thought of celebrating.  I must admit when I first got it, after reading through it, I lamented to E. that there were so many great ideas I had missed out in preparing during K's little years - so disappointing. This book started me thinking about creating, its a great template... and now has my additions all in the margins - it spurred growth in our family traditions and I'm determined that our grands - will enjoy my better late than never learning curve.
9. Tremendous Trifles - G.K. Chesterton is witty, funny, and the fact that the items he writes about are nonsense is charming. This book's chuckle factor is delightful.   
10. The Roar on the Other Side- Suzanne Rhodes is an amazing poetry teacher, this book has wonderful exercises, poetry and most of all a great hook - you will love the first line.

 I have several more books - I'd love to put in this list, but then it wouldn't be a top ten. (If you're counting this is actually a top 12 - but then again - whose counting)